Communication issues or assumptions?

We often hear that communication is a problem in workplaces. But is communication the problem or is it something else...? Are assumptions getting in the way of good working relationships? By assumptions I'm talking about all the meanings we make of people's actions or cultural backgrounds or gender or age or any number of other things. But can we really assume anything about anyone...? And what's the problem if we do?

Erosion of trust

Assuming the worst about someone's intentions — "they didn't reply because they think I’m a bad person" — often turns out to be wrong. By the time you realise this, you may have already acted defensively or given someone the cold shoulder. Repeated over time, this damages relationships even if no single incident was the cause.

Clarification

Assuming can feel efficient in the moment (asking questions can feel like slowing things down or signalling incompetence), but may cost you later when you have to apologise or go into damage control...

Bias reinforcement

Assumptions about people — their motives, responses or capabilities — are often shaped by unconscious bias. Left unchecked, these assumptions can be alienating and affect trust and connection.

Wasted effort

If you assume you know what someone wants from you without checking, you can spend hours or days doing the wrong thing - especially at work. Check in.

How to avoid making assumptions

• Don’t second guess. Treat unclear situations as an opportunity to ask a question.

• State assumptions out loud ("I'm assuming X — is that right?") so they can be corrected.

• Separate observations from interpretations ("She didn't respond" vs. "She is ignoring me").

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  Ask for feedback. If you don’t know if you are doing the right thing, be brave, ask.

We’re here to support you

If you are worried about relationships at work but aren’t sure what’s going wrong, come and talk through your concerns.

Counselling is available to support you with:

• Feeling under-appreciated or unnoticed

• Feeling left out of the team

• Lacking confidence to ask questions

• Concerns you are doing something wrong

You can book confidentially through the Kōwhai Wellbeing Group Book Online page, or reach out if you’d like help choosing the right counsellor.